Looking for cute funny quotes and short sayings? Cute funny sayings and jokes are an easy way to add more fun to your day and bring you a good and easy laugh, whether you are at your office or home.
So here you can find many free cute funny quotes about life, love, men and women, and more. Enjoy!
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
Always forgive your enemies – Nothing annoys them so much.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
“I never think of the future – it comes soon enough.”
Short funny quotes by, Albert Einstein
“You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.”
Short funny quotes by, Dean Martin
“If you love your job, you haven’t worked a day in your life.”
Short funny quotes by, Tommy Lasorda
“I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.”
Short funny quotes by, Zsa Zsa Gabor
“Ninety percent of the game is half mental.”
Short funny quotes by, Jim Wohford
When I’m not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
More Cute Funny Quotes
Enjoyed the funny quotes above? Then you are going to have even more fun checking out these new cute humorous quotes. Feel free to share them with your friends and colleagues. Enjoy!
“People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don’t realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world,”
Calvin.
“Isn’t your pants’ zipper supposed to be in the front?” Hobbes.
Calvin and Hobbes.
“I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Rodney Dangerfield
“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invaribly they are both disappointed.”
Albert Einstein
“Marriage is like pi – natural, irrational, and very important.”
Lisa Hoffman.
“Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.”
Anonymous.
“A rich man’s joke is always funny.”
Proverb.
You know the speed of light, so what’s the speed of dark?
Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)
Death is hereditary.
There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.
An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
“If Thomas Jefferson thought taxation without representation was bad, he should see how it is with representation.”
Rush Limbaugh.
“Summer is the season when a man thinks he can cook better on an outdoor grill than his wife can on an indoor stove.”
Anonymous.
“Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.”
Finley Peter Dunne.
“A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.”
Bill Cosby
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.”
Albert Einstein
“Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.”
Short funny quotes, Anonymous.
“Half of the people in the world are below average.”
Short funny quotes, Anonymous.
“If you don’t know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else!”
Yogi Berra.
“I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill.
“Of all the things that tax a man’s patience, there’s nothing to compare with a stuck zipper.”
Anonymous.
“A hippie is someone who looks like Tarzan, walks like Jane and smells like Cheetah.”
Ronald Reagan
“Thanks, you don’t look so hot yourself.” – after being told he looked cool.
Yogi Berra
“I’m in no condition to drive…wait! I shouldn’t listen to myself, I’m drunk!” -Homer J. Simpson Yogi Berra
“If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.”
John Kenneth Galbraith.
“A great many people have a soldier’s stomach – everything they eat goes to the front.”
Anonymous.
“I ain’t sleeping. I’m just taking a good look at the insides of my eyelids.”
Johathan Raban.
“A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch.”
Anonymous.
